So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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