$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
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I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
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You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Sorry about my life...
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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