How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
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Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
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My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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