So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
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She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
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the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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