Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize