I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
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Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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