you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize