he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
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I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
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You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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