Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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