I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
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I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
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I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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