You're so nebulous sometimes
Jerry, you need to find god
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize