i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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