I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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