Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
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If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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