SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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