they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Can vaginas get frostbite?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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