Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize