She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize