So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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