apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize