I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
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Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
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Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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