chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
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he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
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Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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