saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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