Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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