I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
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WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
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I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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