I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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