I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
