I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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