I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize