The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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