You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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