Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
she told me i tasted like america
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I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
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Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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