What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
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I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
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My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
If I die, sorry about rent.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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