Banned from zoo.
Again?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
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I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
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This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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