Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize