i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize