You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
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You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
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I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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