My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize