Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
This house was built for laser tag.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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