So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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