well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
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I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
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I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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