OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I think i got beer on your cat.
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