Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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