Are we in a gay sports bar?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i came on her dog
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
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Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
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I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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