Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I understand Curling. That high.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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