i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
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Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
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Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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