i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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