I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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