Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
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What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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