What a fucking waste of an outfit
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
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Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
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I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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